Spoiler Alert: I watched up to the first episode of Season 3. If you’re behind or don’t watch Downton Abbey, read at your own risk (and reward!).

Downton Abbey’s season 3 premiere beat its season 2 premiere ratings by 98%. It’s PBS’s biggest success in decades (ever?). I decided to jump on the bandwagon before it leaves town.

It’s good, but a couple things that always get to me when I watch Downton Abbey is the lack of three-dimensional characterization and tepid love stories. For a nighttime soap opera, it lacks romance.

Yes, it’s a different time period and a different culture, so I’m not expecting a ton of sexy times or anything, but you can still have a romantic story (Jane Austin, to name the obvious, is an example of that).

“You’re so nice.” “No, YOU’RE so nice!”

Example #1: Bates and Anna are super duper in love because… they’re both nice? (OK, even though one’s a self-righteous maybe-murderer?)

Example #2: Sybil and the chauffer run off together because… they’re both liberals? AND it took her half a season to realize she was in love with him. When she decides she finally is, there’s no real explanation as to why she’s suddenly made up her mind.

Example #3: Mary and Matthew “will never love another as long as the other still walks the earth” because… they’re the main characters? The only reason I give this couple any merit is that the actors have pretty good chemistry together. Other than that, they are incredibly boring together.

I just want… better. Throw a girl a bone, won’t ya? The first time I read Mr. Darcy’s letter to Elizabeth Bennet in Pride and Prejudice I think I literally screamed from excitement and feelings of pent-up sexual tension. I don’t get any of that vicarious thrill with Downton Abbey. WHERE IS MY VICARIOUS THRILL?

This, of course, goes back to my other point about the lack of character development. I think from DA I’ve discovered a little trick about creating dimensional characters in fiction:

1.       If you have to have characters repeatedly spell out the virtues (or vices) of another character, you’re clearly not creating a strong enough character in the first place.

2.       If you have characters repeatedly spell out the virtues (or vices) of another character, it’s only interesting IF they are extolling different ones.

I’m kind of dashing, in a dull way. Rawr.

Take Matthew for example. He’s young, handsome, and very honorable. He wants to stay humble despite the fact that he’s going to inherit a fortune. OK, interesting start, but… HE IS VERY, VERY BORING. He’s like Leading Man 1.0, with lots of money but not much personality. People are ALWAYS saying: “Oh Matthew’s great. He’s GREAT! Matthew and Mary are MEANT TO BE.” And I’ll accept your argument, but it doesn’t make for great television.

Now look at Mary. I may be a bit biased because Michelle Dockery (the actress) is, I think, beautiful, but she’s much more interesting to watch. In the first episode I kind of hated her. She was a judgmental bitch to everyone, and seemed very cold hearted. But as the season goes on you see her more as pragmatic, and loving but guarded. It’s so subtle, that you can see why some of the other characters still see her as just a judgmental, uppity bitch. And those haters make it very clear they don’t think very highly of her one bit (DA is nothing if not heavy handed with their messaging).She’s uppity, for sure, but what do you expect from the heiress of Downton Abbey?

So while you have some characters always talking about how much Mary rocks their socks, a lot of other characters are like “UH, SHE MOSTLY SUCKS.” You can see why they would think either way, based on their relationship with her. That’s interesting.

I think one of the reasons it’s so hard to really get under the skin of a lot of these characters is that so much time passes between each episode/season. Can you imagine how much you’ve changed in 5 years? How much your viewpoint changed especially on the brink of adulthood like a lot of these characters? By glossing over so much of their lives, it’s hard to really capture change in character without having them starting to act seemingly out-of-character. I understand the benefits of having a lot of time pass quickly, however it also give the show some of its weaknesses.

I like Downton Abbey a lot, but sometimes to enjoy it I have to accept it’s not necessarily going to tell the story I’d want it to.